So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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