Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
