butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
