He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
