There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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