someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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