Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's rum buckets o'clock
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
