you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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