I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
