Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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