Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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