Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The Olympian is in my bed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
