I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
