Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The ass gains better be worth it
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