if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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