Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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