theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
