In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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