It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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