Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
do nipples grow back?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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