look no pants
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
