You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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