I smell stomach acid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
