mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
