dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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