he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
