I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
