I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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