Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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