All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
