I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
