How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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