As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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