So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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