dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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