I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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