if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
