amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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