i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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