i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
