oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
