Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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