im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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