Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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