I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
