So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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