He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
