So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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