I cockslap morals
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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