I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
