I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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