Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
