I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
