dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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