Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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