Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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