I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
