I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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