so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
