Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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