Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
