So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
