i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
