nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
