Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
