Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wow bdsm is so cute
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
