I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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