This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
