I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
