so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
