you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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