Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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