I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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